Empty Arms Mom

I truly am no professional writer or poet. These words came to me after losing my second born child. It really tells my inner story. Sadly, I’m sure other moms in similar situations can relate. Now don’t get me wrong, my arms have been full of life and love in this lifetime, but a part of those arms will always remain empty, the place where Claudia would have filled.

Fantastic news
Baby 2 on the way
A big brother soon to be.
Excitement grows each day
Belly grows each day
Million dollar family
Soon to be.

Days go by
Emotions are growing
Baby is growing
Belly is growing
Smiling faces greet you
Each day the bump gets larger
Monthly Dr visits become weekly
Belly is quite large Dr says
“let’s do some tests …
just to be safe”
Inner smiles start to fade
Outer smiles are forced,
Emotions are intense,
All over the place.
What ifs take over
Tests results take forever.
Inner thoughts are battling
Telling yourself things will be fine.
The call comes.
The unimaginable
There’s too much fluid
Something is wrong
Tests and more tests
Playing with emotions like only
Empty arm moms can comprehend
Empty arms moms
How can one even being to imagine
Belly still growing
Baby still kicking
Baby still very much alive
Reality is,
baby will never come home.
Big brother he won’t be
Mom to be,
of an angel baby
Smiling faces still greet you
Strangers meaning well
Uncontrollable crying inside
Visions fade
Hopes and dreams fade
Anger sets in
Strength fades away
Belly still growing
A soccer player inside
A lifeless body outside
The end is near
A painful end.
The day arrives,
The day we long for
The day we dread facing
I need to stay strong
No one knows the pain
The emptiness
The excitement felt
Is unexplainable
A beautiful girl enters our world
So precious
So tiny, so much love
So little time
For a moment in time
arms are not empty
My heart is full of love
She’s precious
She’s alive
She’s breathing
Capturing hearts
Creating memories to last a lifetime
Tears flow
Happy tears turn to
Sad tears
Minutes pass
Smiles fade
The end is near
She’s struggling
Losing her battle
Reality sets in
Her final breath
43 minutes of memories
is all that remains
Empty arms mom.
That is now the reality
Numbness sets in
Days blend together
Smiles are hard to find
Emptiness inside
Strong and courageous on the outside
Defeated and numb on the inside
Awkward encounters
Empty arms moms
What to say
What to do
How to carry on
The days pass by
The pain a daily reminder
Life will never be the same
Life has never been the same
The heart loves a little deeper
Emotions hit a little harder
Memories remain
Smiles return
Life is precious
No matter how short life is
Memories last a lifetime
Inner scars that never fully heal

Empty arms mom I will always be.

Until next time my friends, be kind to yourself and look our for others. xo