Like a lot of people, I have never found it easy to talk about myself. But, in order to grow personally, I feel you need to challenge yourself. What better way to challenge yourself then starting a blog.
I have found much strength and motivation from reading blogs and listening to podcasts on those dark days when my PTSD is controlling my mind and I am unable to leave the house. I hope by sharing my journey, it may help you on your journey as well!
Battling with depression on and off for many years, add to that a diagnosis of PTSD and anxiety in 2009, and you have the fine mess, I mean masterpeice, of me!
At this stage in my life now, I really am starting to enjoy the finer things ,all things, well, no, I guess most things. That is not to say that life is great and full of no headaches and challenges by any means. The experiences life has brought me has led me to be able to better focus on my own personal headspace, giving me confidence, something that has never ever been a strength for me.
Me in a nutshell, the condensed version!
I’m an only child. I’ve been married. Had 4 pregnancies, lost my second child shortly after birth to a lethal disorder. Had an affair, ( yep, not one of my prouder moments). Co-parented for many years with an ex who really had a hate on for me, ( happy to say, the ex and I are better now, but goodness it was ugly for many years). Entered into many relationships after the divorce, and felt that I simply was too broken to be able to maintain a relationship, ( which I know now is not true, I just had been trying with the wrong people). I managed to remain good friends with a couple of those failed relationships. Had a career end much before I had planned ( due to mental health issues). Attempted nursing school, ( had to stop for health reasons once again, just shy of graduation. Felt like a failure for many of the things I have just mentioned. I have been seeing a psychologist on and off for many years, tried to hide my mental health issues for far too many years, again due to feeling like a failure.
In Feb of last year I reconnected with a fella I served with many years ago. We hit it off as soon as we started communicating, and fast forward one year, we are now engaged and finding some much enjoyment in life. The interesting part, or kind of scary fact, as some friends have said, is that we both have PTSD. Which has brought some challenges for sure, but we find our ways to work through those bad times and come out even stronger in the end. I enjoy walks on the beach looking for sea glass, spending time in my 1974 VW Westy, the hippy bus!, and running, I have completed a few half marathons, 5 and 10km runs, and a full marathon is still on my bucket list. I recently took up kayaking, tried scuba diving in the Dominican, and must always try on big hats when im out shopping with my girls, lol, they love it!! Proud embarassing mom moments for sure! And, I love tattoos!!
Pumpkin drilling 
Easter Cake 
More Cake fun 
Painting
That kind of sums things up in a really brief way. Fill up your coffee and get comfy, here’s a more detailed me :).
Smiles in my bus 
Me now a days 
Originally from Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, I spent most of my growing up years in a small town just west of Winnipeg, called Headingley. I loved the small town lifestyle, no hustle, and bustle of the city life. I moved out on my own at around 17 years old and made the decision to move out west to BC right after high school. I always say my heart is at home on the west coast. I loved the Vancouver lifestyle, I moved into a quirky older home with 2 male roommates. The house was 4 blocks from Kitsilano beach and was probably one of the best places a young person could live in Vancouver. I worked in retail while I lived in BC. After about a year in BC, I made the move back to Winnipeg where I would meet the man I would marry and have 4 children with. I have lived in Ontario for about 10 years, then moved to Atlantic Canada, Greenwood, and Halifax Nova Scotia, and now I call Prince Edward Island home. Even though I’m in eastern Canada I still love the west!
Often I find myself telling my kids that if they look at me and do the opposite of everything I did they would have a fantastic life. LOL I know this is not totally true but man o man sometimes it sure feels like as a mom or even partner, oh heck sometimes I wonder about it all, mom, daughter, friend, partner, am I doing anything right. However, I am starting to see things differently now that my kids are getting older. My youngest daughter is 16, going on 40, my middle daughter is almost 20 and my son is 22, Claudia would have been 21 now ( Her story will be under the momhood heading). When I look at them now, I know that they are great young adults despite how much I felt I failed them as a mom.
When my kids were growing up, I really was ‘that mom’ I loved home crafts, I loved theme parties for birthdays, I loved making fancy snacks and birthday cakes. I also remember being pretty strict, lol, my kids were always the first into bed and I was always worrying about something. This is where I am very thankful for the friends who were around and really played a role in the raising of my kids. There were two main friends, we all had children the same age and we really all raised our kids together. Still to this day, I am very grateful for them. As I write about who I ‘used to be’ I realize I really have lost my sense of sense over the years and am happy to be looking at me, really looking into who I am now!!
I joined the Canadian Air Force in 1998 and served 16 years in the military. I was a supply technician and spent the majority of my time working with Aircraft Spare parts. It was a fantastic career and I had hoped to serve many more years, however thanks to my mental health that was not possible.
These days I spend my time working with a great group of ill/injured veterans and help facilitate a peer support group named Brave & Broken. We meet weekly and discuss the needs of veterans, and help to give whatever support is needed. Basically a group of like-minded folks who understand each other and accept each other on good days and more importantly the bad days. This has been a great impact on my health and has helped me refocus on my own life and start to look at who I really am and what my purpose is.
Until next time my friends, be kind to yourself and look out for others